A Start-To-Finish Guide to Behavior Change.

When working with my clients the most common thread is starting a new habit and sticking to it, changing the behaviors they have been carrying for years and being consistent with the new ways of doing. 

After all this years, learning, studying, applying myself and seeing others fail and succeed today I wanted to share in depth how there is a “simple” way of actually succeeding in behavior change.

Personally, I believe it all comes down to, HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT? 

If the desire for and the feeling of that reward is bigger than the fear of getting out of your comfort zone chances are you are a winner, if you’d rather stay in the couch and complain then…well…you know the story.

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In this start to finish guide to help you with behavior change I will share 5 simple, effective, steps to conquer once and for all any obstacle your mind is placing in your way.

Again, your beliefs shape your reality, so if you think you will remain stagnant and never conquer, that’s a self fulfilling prophecy because you will feel demotivated and give up. If, on the other hand, you have a deep belief that you can achieve anything then you will indeed, achieve anything you set your mind to. 

There are 5 stages to behavior change. Two researchers named Prochaska and DiClemente developed a way of describing it in what they called the Stages of Change Model. Though originally developed in the context of smoking cessation, it’s five stages actually describe the process by which all behaviors change.

Stage 1) 

Denial and resistance. You might be told that something needs change and yet deny the fact that you need help, why would things be going wrong if you are feeling ok? WRONG! You are comfortable and living in habit that doesn’t mean that you are doing well. If you choose to see every trigger as a messenger and are willing to investigate why you are being triggered then you will move on to the next stage and evolve.

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Stage 2) 

In this stage you know you have to change something and you are contemplating the idea of changing. The key here is to find a deep reason why to change, and it has to be personal and motivating. For some of you going to the gym is a burden, if you shift the preception to training for a longer, happier and better life or being able to run with your kids, or to stop beong jealous of those beach bodies…whatever motivates you is what will kick your ass, not what you are supposed to do but what you deeply feel like you have to do.

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You will find obstacles at this stage – I’ve seen couples, one trying to loose weight and the partner bringing cake post workout – , remember that you come from doing things a certain way and everything around you is used to you being a certain way, the same way is hard for you to change it is as well for your environment because you changing means that they will have to change or, you will organically move on. You will succeed if the reason why you must change is stronger than the obstacles. 

Stage 3) 

Determination. At this stage you are full on preparing, getting ready for action, determined to breakthrough and change your ways. In my case it meant cutting of smoking, drinking, going out and sleepless nights. It wasn’t overnight, I had to be really fed up with my situation and be triggered by a sudden death for me to act. Once you are ready and filled with the belief that you can change then you take action!

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Stage 4) 

Wisdom comes from experience and action is wisdom. One day you wake up and you are consistently going to the gym, the battle is mental this time though, you are going to the gym consistently, start comparing yourself to others, suffer the fight of feeling not good enough, you continue showing up and even though every demon will try to defeat you, there you are, changed!

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Stage 5) 

Consistency and maintaining the behaviors require you to be abstinent and far away from temptation, whatever your temptation is or was. If you were addicted to porn you will have to be away from it and be aware of what triggers you to relapse. 

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Because, yes, you will relapse and relapse isn’t failure as long as you don’t give up. Every time you fall you can learn from it and rise up stronger. The thing is the more determined you become, the higher goals you set, the more challenging the outcomes, the harder the battle, the stronger you become and the less and less relapses you will have. 

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Know yourself, know your strengths, know your weaknesses, know what makes you say F*** it and throw the towel and know what keeps your fire lit! 

Changing your behavior is not a punishment, discipline isn’t suffering, embrace pain as part of growth. Changing is for good and for the better. When I see an athlete sweating his or her ass off, or a boxer fighting for a title, I see greatness, that sweat, pain, blood and tears is what makes the reward so addictive.

When bettering your life it feels painful because old ways must die, the old you must die,  your character, ego driven, must die and that feels painful, it takes balls and it takes courage but what’s on the other side is greatness and that, well, that’s what you were born for 😉 

NEVER SETTLE! 

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If you’d like to find out more about my programmes and how can I help you achieve the success you deserve, if you want to see what’s been holding you back all this time email me to iammissfirestar@gmail.com and let’s talk so that I can give you 30 minutes of my time, some advice and a plan to move forward. 

ONLY 5 SPOTS AVAILABLE.  FIRST COME. FIRST SERVED. 

xx

Arya

 

The ultimate 5 TIPS to help YOU stick to a new habit.

For me the key to success is in achieving goals, daily, weekly, monthly and yearly that summed up will make your life the success you dream of. 

Although the definition of success is very broad and personal and here are some of the most succesful people in the world and their own personal definitions of success.

The one that stands out for me is the definition of Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People“, a must read if you want to have more resources to speed up your growth:

“If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you in the funeral experience,” he writes in the book, “you will find your definition of success.”

Starting a new habit is hard, being honest with yourself that you must change something in your life is hard, admitting it and taking action towards implementing change is hard. Or that’s what you tend to believe.

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Change is hard or so you believe and some of the reasons why you don’t stick to a new habit for long are: 

  • You aren’t motivated enough. 
  • You talk yourself out of it because you don’t really believe you can do it. 
  • You are not consistent enough and after starting you miss a few days and get back to being where you started. 
  • You listen to others who aren’t where you want to be but they are your friends or family and they must want you good so why give you a bad advice, right? WRONG!
  • You start too many new habits at a time and don’t follow through.  

The list could go on and on because the list of excuses we make when we don’t want to face the truth is endless. 

Here is another truth for you, starting a new habit can be easy, sticking to it as well, and it’s all up to your mindset and developing a consistent routine that will help you achieve those goals faster. 

My first tip that will help you stick to that new habit you want to implement in your life to better it is: start with 1 or 2 habits at a time. Let’s say you want to start meditation and eating healthy, good, introduce both practices in your daily to do list as a must do.

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The second tip will be just START and start with small steps, going from eating junk daily to eating whole foods takes a lot of will power so start with a meal a day, few poses of yoga, 30 minutes of exercise or meditating 10 minutes a day during 4 weeks. After those 4 weeks level up and do 20 minutes of meditation or 2 healthy meals a day, 45 minutes of training etc You get the point.

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Third tip? Observe your thought patterns. Watch how your mind talks you out of your new habit. This can happen even to an experienced meditation master, to an athlete, to a successful person, we will be tested, your mind will play all kinds of tricks to keep you in the comfort zone, even if that comfort zone is a place where you are unhappy somehow is better than the unknown. Be self aware and continue moving forward, you are always in control of your choices. 

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My fourth tip to help you start a new habit and actually sticking to it is, never ever miss 2 days, never cheat two meals in a row. With this one as always I use my passion for fitness to set the example, let’s say you have started a new diet plan because you have a specific and challenging goal in mind, you are pushing your limits and moving past the plateau you found yourself at (you can apply this to anything in life because whenever you reach a limit in any area of your life that means you are in a plateau, mentally, physically, financially, emotionally or spiritually). So, if you slip one day or cheated one meal, make sure the day after you catch up full on, no excuses, you train harder, control your food intake and make sure you remember what happens if you miss one day. Your mind gets stronger with time and so do your habits. 

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My fifth tip? Be accountable, tell your closest friends what you want to achieve, have people around you who will be super honest with you, it’s better to listen to the hard truth than living in a delusion. Be accountable and consistent and you will see results! 

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If you’d like to find out more about my programmes and how can I help you achieve the success you deserve, if you want to see what’s been holding you back all this time email me to iammissfirestar@gmail.com and let’s talk so that I can give you 30 minutes of my time, some advice and a plan to move forward. 

ONLY 5 SPOTS AVAILABLE.  FIRST COME. FIRST SERVED. 

xx

Arya

The 10 best ways to get things done, better and faster!

Have you ever asked yourself if it’s possible to get more things done, better and faster? 

It is possible. 

And you may ask, how?

Prioritising. Making sure that first of all you have a clear vision, goals set in place, targets to achieve and that you are tracking your progress.

If you are just starting to set goals and this task seems daunting, start with creating the habit of daily to do lists, marking those tasks in your calendar and limiting them to 5.

Those 5 things must be aligned with your main goals.

So here the 10 best ways to get things done, better and faster!

1) Know your goals, if you know where you are going it’s “easier” to break the goals down and create small phases, chunks of activities that need to be done by certain time in order to achieve the bigger goal. This can be applied to business and life. Once you know where you want to be, everything else is a time waster. What are you willing to sacrifice to be your best?

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2) Prioritise using your cold blood aka.wisdom, know which tasks are urgent, important, not urgent, urgent but not important, and delegate the ones that aren’t important at all. You have to be 200% focused in what needs to be done. If you can’t delegate/outsource for whatever reason, make sure you do them at the speed of light in the last part of the day.

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3) Know your best hour. Some researchs say that the hours before 12pm are the most productive ones. Use your first hours to meditate, exercise, clear your mind and start the day strong with the most important tasks. As the day goes by, tackle the social activities and other commitments that you might have.

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4) Learn to say no! I can’t stress this one often enough to my clients. Say no! This is your life, you are the director, the creator, say no to BS, to projects and requests that come when you are working on your main tasks, to chit chat that drains your energy, keep your head in the game and stay focused. Anything that is not related to any of your goals is procrastination. If you need help with this one you can always ask me for more tips.

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5) This on is my saviour and now instead of just planning the day before I plan weeks, months and even years in advance. Plan ahead! Have a list of the 5 main tasks that you need to accomplish the next day so that when you go to bed your mind is clear and even though it might take a while to fall sleep (been there) just be disciplined enough to stay in bed because your tasks are set and your body needs rest.

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6) Track your distractions, seriously. Write down every time you look at your phone, stand up for a cup of coffee, change the music, speak to someone or a fly enters the room. Once you are aware of the distractions have the will power to switch everything off and focus in the task at hand.

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7) Outsource as much as you can. There is an app for almost everything right now, the small bits of the day need to be done,  fine, find. someone who can do them or simply declutter and live minimal while you are building. Your choice, your time.

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8) Meditate, this one may sound spiritual, gipsy, too new age or whatever, still, the benefits of meditation have been globally proven and again, there are amazing apps like Headspace that can help you clear your mind. You might think is a joke until you test it, you commit, you do it for 90 days and seeing the results you have to keep going.

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9) Take care of yourself. This one should be number 1. You are the machine, the engine that is moving everything in your life. This was the turning point for me, I want to retire young and sexy, so first is the mind, then the body and then everything else. This is a marathon, not a race, a journey. Live long, live well, eat healthy, sleep your hours, exercise and rest when you have to in order to balance your energies. You MUST be at the top of your to do list! Daily!

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10) Wake up earlier! Ask yourself how many hours are you wasting just chilling in the sofa? How many hours scrolling the Facebook feed? Even if not hours, simply half and hour of wasted time is that, wasted life. I recommend this blocker, works with Chrome, for the Facebook feed when you are working.

Bonus TIP: JUST DO IT! 

I hope you find them useful and that you start implementing them today. Remember, success is a marathon, a long lifetime adventure!

If you’d like to find out more about my programmes and how can I help you achieve the success you deserve, if you want to see what’s been holding you back all this time email me to iammissfirestar@gmail.com and let’s talk so that I can give you 30 minutes of my time, some advice and a plan to move forward. 

I have opened a program to help you GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. Bookings open until the 27th of September 2018.

ONLY 5 SPOTS AVAILABLE.  FIRST COME. FIRST SERVED. 

How to get out of your way

xx

Arya

Five tips to stay motivated

I wrote this article a few weeks ago for Brightzine and I want to share it with you too.

When life gets hard sometimes is complicated to keep the same level of motivation that we have when we start a project. For some seems to be easier than for others but that doesn’t mean everybody has to make an effort. 

Motivation comes from discipline, commitment and an absolute desire to give your best in the task at hand. It comes from an all or nothing attitude that will help you rise the bar as many times as you need. 

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For me motivation comes from mindset and setting goals so big that I can’t stop bettering myself until I become the person who can live up to those goals. I’ve always been determined but this last year I have learned from the best how to really make things work and I will share with you 5 of the best tricks to keep your motivation high and make sure you hit those targets that will level up your life. 

1. REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ANYBODY ELSE.

The only difference is that some believe in themselves despite the odds and other are too lazy to find solutions to the challenges.

Absolutely anything is possible. If you are willing to put the work and learn every single day how to make things happen.

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2. FIND YOUR REASON WHY

Sit down with yourself and find the reason why you do the things you do, why you want the things you want, why you will sacrifice things now. Dig dip, ask yourself why is worth the time you are going to invest, why will you learn new skills, why will you do anything to reach that goal.

Your why must be so strong that there is nothing that can stop you from getting things done. 

It can be having failed in the past, it can be being done with mediocre results, it can be seeing others fail and trapped in the victim mentality, it can be the anger that you feel when you see that other people make it and you are still stuck, it can be wanting to help others, it can be wanting to help your parents, it can be whatever you want.

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Just make sure it wakes you up early and fuels your days because not every day you will be motivated to keep going but having a strong reason why will keep you working.

Nobody has to understand your why, you don’t need to share it, just make sure it motivates you enough.

3. TAKE ACTION EVERY DAY 

Listening to podcasts won’t make you get leaner or stronger or get out of debt. Taking massive action will.

While it’s important to feed your mind with motivational content and I use it as fuel in the gym, playlists like Fearless Motivation or Andy Frisella’s podcast are my favourites when working out, it’s mandatory that you commit to take action every single day of your life towards that goal. No excuses! Podcasts and books are inspiring but you get the results by working on yourself.

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If you find yourself living pay check to pay check maybe is time to learn more about finances and how the system really works; maybe you find yourself lacking confidence to ask for that pay rise and it’s time to work on your strengths and see what can you give to the position that nobody else can; maybe you are dreaming about opening a bakery and it’s time that you start looking for quotes and “how to” instead of focusing in the “don’t haves”

“Where there is a will there is a way!” 

4. PRIORITISE AND FOCUS 

There is only much that we can do but if we do it right we move forward at a faster speed. We tend to want to do it all at once and then we get overwhelmed and give up when we don’t see results.

Choose 2 to 3 goals to work on, write an strategy to achieve them and commit with yourself to make them happen no matter what. 

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Some days you will find yourself out of balance, some days you will feel amazing, some others you will feel like giving up, but never ever quit, keep going and when you realise the clarity that comes from focus you will learn, improve, research and turn projects that you had waiting into reality.

Tip: A friend recommended me the book The 12 week year and I can tell it works, check it out! 🙂

5.  WRITE YOUR VISION

Decide what it is that you want and more important, the actions that you need to do to get it done, set a specific deadline, be realistic (always dream big, huge dreams are achieved by breaking them into baby steps) and hold yourself accountable. Write a plan for the day, for the week, for the month. Review your vision every single day. 

My routine every morning is after my 20 minutes guided meditation I read my vision, to make sure that all my energy is focused on creating it.

They say do baby steps and yes, I agree that Rome wasn’t built in a day but it’s your life that we are talking about and if you aren’t hungry for more and willing to sacrifice your all…you won’t make it really far.

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If this doesn’t motivate you I don’t know what will. For me is about living in the abundance we all deserve. 

Ah! And remember this is a journey and be grateful, because having the chance to read, empower yourself and grow is a luxury that not everyone can access.

If you’d like to find out more about my programmes and how can I help you achieve the success you deserve, if you want to see what’s been holding you back all this time email me to iammissfirestar@gmail.com and let’s talk so that I can give you 30minutes of my time, some advice and a plan to move forward. 

ONLY 5 SPOTS AVAILABLE.  FIRST COME. FIRST SERVED.