When working with my clients the most common thread is starting a new habit and sticking to it, changing the behaviors they have been carrying for years and being consistent with the new ways of doing.
After all this years, learning, studying, applying myself and seeing others fail and succeed today I wanted to share in depth how there is a “simple” way of actually succeeding in behavior change.
Personally, I believe it all comes down to, HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT?
If the desire for and the feeling of that reward is bigger than the fear of getting out of your comfort zone chances are you are a winner, if you’d rather stay in the couch and complain then…well…you know the story.
In this start to finish guide to help you with behavior change I will share 5 simple, effective, steps to conquer once and for all any obstacle your mind is placing in your way.
Again, your beliefs shape your reality, so if you think you will remain stagnant and never conquer, that’s a self fulfilling prophecy because you will feel demotivated and give up. If, on the other hand, you have a deep belief that you can achieve anything then you will indeed, achieve anything you set your mind to.
There are 5 stages to behavior change. Two researchers named Prochaska and DiClemente developed a way of describing it in what they called the Stages of Change Model. Though originally developed in the context of smoking cessation, it’s five stages actually describe the process by which all behaviors change.
Denial and resistance. You might be told that something needs change and yet deny the fact that you need help, why would things be going wrong if you are feeling ok? WRONG! You are comfortable and living in habit that doesn’t mean that you are doing well. If you choose to see every trigger as a messenger and are willing to investigate why you are being triggered then you will move on to the next stage and evolve.
In this stage you know you have to change something and you are contemplating the idea of changing. The key here is to find a deep reason why to change, and it has to be personal and motivating. For some of you going to the gym is a burden, if you shift the preception to training for a longer, happier and better life or being able to run with your kids, or to stop beong jealous of those beach bodies…whatever motivates you is what will kick your ass, not what you are supposed to do but what you deeply feel like you have to do.
You will find obstacles at this stage – I’ve seen couples, one trying to loose weight and the partner bringing cake post workout – , remember that you come from doing things a certain way and everything around you is used to you being a certain way, the same way is hard for you to change it is as well for your environment because you changing means that they will have to change or, you will organically move on. You will succeed if the reason why you must change is stronger than the obstacles.
Determination. At this stage you are full on preparing, getting ready for action, determined to breakthrough and change your ways. In my case it meant cutting of smoking, drinking, going out and sleepless nights. It wasn’t overnight, I had to be really fed up with my situation and be triggered by a sudden death for me to act. Once you are ready and filled with the belief that you can change then you take action!
Wisdom comes from experience and action is wisdom. One day you wake up and you are consistently going to the gym, the battle is mental this time though, you are going to the gym consistently, start comparing yourself to others, suffer the fight of feeling not good enough, you continue showing up and even though every demon will try to defeat you, there you are, changed!
Consistency and maintaining the behaviors require you to be abstinent and far away from temptation, whatever your temptation is or was. If you were addicted to porn you will have to be away from it and be aware of what triggers you to relapse.
Because, yes, you will relapse and relapse isn’t failure as long as you don’t give up. Every time you fall you can learn from it and rise up stronger. The thing is the more determined you become, the higher goals you set, the more challenging the outcomes, the harder the battle, the stronger you become and the less and less relapses you will have.
Know yourself, know your strengths, know your weaknesses, know what makes you say F*** it and throw the towel and know what keeps your fire lit!
Changing your behavior is not a punishment, discipline isn’t suffering, embrace pain as part of growth. Changing is for good and for the better. When I see an athlete sweating his or her ass off, or a boxer fighting for a title, I see greatness, that sweat, pain, blood and tears is what makes the reward so addictive.
When bettering your life it feels painful because old ways must die, the old you must die, your character, ego driven, must die and that feels painful, it takes balls and it takes courage but what’s on the other side is greatness and that, well, that’s what you were born for 😉
If you’d like to find out more about my programmes and how can I help you achieve the success you deserve, if you want to see what’s been holding you back all this time email me to firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s talk so that I can give you 30 minutes of my time, some advice and a plan to move forward.
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