The Way To Up The Game Is Through The Dark.

We are grounded. Literally. We are being forced to face ourselves. Every single one of us is going through this on their own, we are together yet every journey is personal although connected.

All the dirt and crap is being forced to the surface, we have the choice to face it and deal through it or to remain in the shadows and let them eat us alive.

I’m speaking from personal experience, what resonates with me and my own internal journey. They say we don’t learn we simply recollect what we have forgotten at birth and I believe this to be true because some things are simply too real to be denied or ignored. 

When I get goosebumps reading something, seeing a picture of a place, hearing a song or a mantra when my body (energy field) responds is a sign, a message that I’m in tune with who I really I am here to be. 

Today I understood something, I am already living the life I want to create. Since the moment I affirmed a few days ago, ‘I AM THE CREATOR OF MY REALITY’ responsibility kicked in, awareness and the constant process of change became even more clear. I started to flow differently, instead of battling against the ‘reality’ I’m in, I moved differently, I have a choice and I made different choices. 

As if my brain finally had made a connection with my heart and the mind was figuring a way out of the labyrinth I’ve created for my life. 

With this lockdown came a couple of punches and life has hit hard, first I quit a job that was draining me and sucking the life out of me to start a position in a gym. Just a few days after being confirmed that I would start the quarantine started which left me literally jobless and without any idea of how would I ‘make it’. I had some money left so I figured I just had to sit down, draft a plan, ask myself what are my skills, how can I help and hustle like crazy. 

The Universe always has a better plan than the one we have drawn for ourselves which usually is limited by self-imposed boundaries and walls we have been taught to live in. The box I am in is too small now, I’ve outgrown the person I was a minute ago and the changes keep coming from every side. The difference is now I am looking inside of myself every time a curveball hits. 

Triggers, situations that pop to test me, patience tests, roadblocks, setbacks, money moves that turn out wrong, lessons, all of them have been preparing me for this and despite it being painful or seeming that the Universe was punishing me it’s only mirroring what I have been ignoring all this time: the fact that I have gifts within me and I keep apologizing for them or doubting myself. 

Last weekend I went for a walk, first on Friday and then again on Sunday. My feet hurt, it was more than 1 hour and a half and the same back, plus the time I took to explore the parks. 

Some of you I’ve seen on Instagram complaining that you are on your own and can’t cope, that you feel bored or that you are lonely and whilst every single experience is valid it’s also worth remembering that some of us we are surrounded by people who are in a different wave and we all have to learn to be comfortable being in our own company. 

This is an opportunity or a punishment. It all depends on your perception and what you decide to give your attention to. I’m seeing it as the training ground, the soil where I’ve been dormant and with the season, with the spring, the same way the Earth is blooming, I’m being called to bloom. To grow and expand as far and wide as I want. Every time I make a move which is not in alignment with who I am supposed to be it doesn’t work, when I let go and relax it works. 

I’ve learned to draw the road map and then chunk it down until the tiniest little move I can make now where I am with what I have. 

Goals have turned into a vision of the future and what I aim for doesn’t have anything to do with what I thought I wanted, although the end result will be the same. 

The unknown is what scares us and digging a bit deeper my fear is how am I going to take care of myself? Relying on others like I’ve done until now, through pay-check to pay-check or even friends, won’t work anymore. 

True wealth is time and freedom. Money it’s a tool. The real currency is my energy.

I am wealthy now.

Now it’s the time to work with my gifts, what do I know, what have I learned, who was I and who am I now? Where have I been and what have I overcome? 

I have this belief that sharing trauma or pain won’t get you a cookie to heaven and I’ve moved on from wounds and things that hurt me, however, from that pain I’ve found strength, from every wound I found a weapon, from the darkness I discovered my light and from that denying myself and looking outwards I’ve found the treasure the alchemist is looking for in the desert: the heart. 

Every single person I’ve encountered in my life has taught how to love myself. Every single one of them. 

There’s grace in betrayal. There’s grace in abandonment. There’s grace in rejection. There’s grace in heartbreak. There’s grace in being left out and there’s grace in feeling like you are not good enough. 

One day, when you get fed up and tired of the illusion you decide to do the scariest thing ever which is facing all those disowned parts of yourself and embrace them as your own, to return home whole and complete as you’ve always been. 

I’ve learned to forgive and to be aware of the grudges I still hold. I’ve learned to be patient with myself and to have compassion with myself, I’ve spoken to myself the same way I would speak to a friend instead of speaking to myself as if I was a kid who has been grounded for not following ‘the right path’.

I’ve become a self healer. 

After years waiting for someone to rescue me, for looking for a savior, for asking others how it should be done, for not finding the cure in the hands or books or words or beliefs of others, I went in, I went in and found something I am learning to enjoy the hell out now: me. 

There’s nothing lost, there’s nothing to regret, the puzzle comes together and yet I’ve realized I’m forgetting a lot of things as if my memory is leaving space for what’s to come. Sometimes memories kick in and the emotional weight isn’t there as it was. 

No matter what I keep moving forward and embracing this opportunity I have to be alive at this time in history when we are literally rewriting the DNA and the codes of how society should be. 

What am I doing these days? 

After 2 weeks all over the place, waking up whenever and working out, eating meal preps and feeling out of balance I took action and set up a routine: 

  • Waking up at 5 (sometimes I snooze and wake up at 5:30), I go week by week, if one week I wake up 6 days of 7 then its success.
  • Workout, the same, 5 days a week, if I miss one day I do the next and again, I track weekly results. 
  • Meditation right after I wake up, I take a shower and then lay down for almost an hour to meditate. Every day with a different intention. Usually, my intuition will tell me what needs to be acknowledged. At the moment I’m working on the chakras. 
  • Meditation right before bed. This usually is about 30 to 40 minutes and again, depends on what I feel I need to work on. 
  • I set 3 goals for the day, as long as I accomplish those 3 goals the day is a win. It could be editing a podcast episode, reaching out to guests, writing this article, researching something about topics that interest me, etc. 
  • I stick to the meal preps, sometimes I eat a bit more, always tracking the calories, it gives me a sense of control and helps me hold myself accountable knowing that despite the situation I keep my promises to myself. 
  • Gratitude list before bed. I started with 5 things and now I’m writing 10. It can be things that made me happy and also things that taught me a lesson or things that I am manifesting. It makes me smile and reminds me that I have a purpose and that purpose is to make myself happy. 
  • I plan the days and the week ahead. It takes me 20 minutes maximum to decide what are the main tasks I want to achieve, set the routine, copy paste and stick to it. Some days I add things and I create a test list (I don’t do to-do lists, I test things out and some of then work and others teach me something), this test list is made of notes and ideas that I think I need or want to implement, on Sunday I clear it and realize that most of the actions don’t need to be actioned and simply delete it. 

This is the ideal, it has forced me to be in my bubble. Headphones on, connecting online with people who are on the same journey and accepting that I can and I am creating my reality from the inside out so there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. 

This has forced me to see where am placing my attention and where I’m slacking, where I’m playing safe and the limits I’ve set for my vision and then I stretch it. 

The trick is not needing to know how just making a decision mentally and then acceptation of the movie in front of your eyes clashing with the person you are becoming. 

Which is fun and also not so fun, who likes to be shaken? However, there’s a period of ‘grief’ where instead of mourning the old I’m learning to make space for the new. Even though I don’t know exactly how or when it will manifest. My job is to make myself available and the vessel ready to receive when it’s time for it to materialize. 

That’s what healing is. Lifting the veil. The crumbling of the old to make space for the new. That’s evolution and there’s no running from it. Either we expand or we expire and I don’t know about you but me, I know which side of the field I am choosing to be in. Because yes, there’s a choice, there’s an option. There is a possibility, a different end to the story and we are the ones capable and responsible for making it happen. 

I Am The One. 

Question everything you have been taught to be true.

Question what I’m writing.

Question what I say.

How I think.

Question the way you act and think.

Question how people show up.

Be the annoying kid that asks why why why!

Listen to the messages because, if you learn to listen you will see that every part of the Universe is alive and connected communicating with you.

Prepare yourself.

Be curious.

Find your Truth.

There is a myriad of possibilities in the universe and you are both the answer and the question.

Figure it out.

Or not.

Make it worth watching or not.

Just make you happy.

If you don’t know how that feels heal your history.

Heal every part of you that has forgotten that you are deserving just by being here.

Embrace the beauty of the moment of just being.

Let go of the anxiety and understand that you are The Creator of your life.

Jump into the unknown.

Swim the seas of your mind.

And every time you are in a crossroads choose, to do the same you have been doing or, or to be a visionary and take a leap of faith. To do what’s uncomfortable and yet you know it’s the best for you. 

Trust your heart. 

Let it break as many times as it needs until you love yourself so fiercely that you aren’t looking for love outside of yourself.

Allow yourself to feel the pain and the loneliness and the guilt and the shame and let them pass through you.

Don’t let self-pity or the darkness make you forget that the only Truth is the one that resonates with you.

Pay attention to what makes you feel vibrant and beautiful and sexy and alive.

Pay attention to what drains you and what doesn’t inspire you.

Eliminate the pain by falling in love with your scars.

See others for what they are: yourself reflecting yourself.

See the triggers for what they are: messengers of healing opportunities.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s